Getting What You Need

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

As the song goes, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.” Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were on to a very insightful concept when they wrote that chorus. It’s true—even when it doesn’t feel like it, in the moment, we are already getting what we truly need. In this blog, I am going to explain how your needs are being met, and how you can actually make it easier to get what you want as well.

What do you really need in life? You need air to breathe, of course, you need water, food, clothing, and shelter. On a higher level, you need connection and purpose to feel happy and fulfilled. You need a sense of freedom. You need security. These are all needs, to varying degrees, and you need certain ones more than others from moment to moment.

You Get What You Need

The reality is that when you have survived to live in the next moment, on a basic level your needs have been met. Things may not have gone as you wanted them to or as you planned them to, and that’s ok, even if it feels like it’s not. When you focus on what you want, and you create an expectation that you must get what you want, that focus can be a form of attachment. This attachment sets us up for thwarted expectations and feelings of upset. The more attachment we have and the higher the expectations we have, the greater the chance is that we will not get what we want, since our focus is set on the act of wanting.

And yet, we get what we need anyway. The lessons we learn along the way, in the midst of disappointment, hurt, loss, pain, fear, and discontent, provide us with what we need to move forward in life. Through the often difficult challenges of relationships, jobs, finances, family, and society, we grow mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially so that we are able to face the next challenge, and then the one after that.

Gratitude is the Key

In this way, we learn, grow, shift, and ultimately improve “how we are” in this life. (See my recent blog Change How You Are, Not Who You Are.) As we begin to understand and accept this concept, we can learn how to develop better alignment between our wants and needs. The key to this is gratitude. 

When we let go of our attachment to the things we want and practice gratitude for the things that we already have, such as the people that we love and the lessons that we learn, we begin a positive change in our lives. Wanting often brings with it associated feelings of pain, loss, hurt, and discontent that manifest when we don’t actually get what we want. When we accept and grieve the loss and release the pain, we are gifted a lesson in humility and understanding. We learn to feel gratitude for where we are in this moment, and for life itself.

The more you practice gratitude, the more fulfilled you become, and the more you naturally align your wants with what you already have. As you do this, your wants begin to flow more easily into your life, and dreams start to come true. If this sounds too “woo woo” for you, that’s ok—that just means it’s time to give it a try. 

Manifesting Your Dreams

As I said in one of my recent blogs, Be the Person You Want to Be With, this is how the law of attraction works. When we are able to embody love, connection, and support, and feel gratitude and self-love for that, the more likely we are to attract that special person that we’ve been  yearning for. As we practice gratitude and participate in what we ultimately want, we build the connection to bring it into existence.

As a side note, “wants” are often fickle. I’ve had things that I wanted 10, 20, or 30 years ago, that I have zero desire for now. And there are things I want today that I had no desire for months, weeks, or even days ago. This is yet another reason to detach from the wants and expectations that we have. It’s still ok to have desires and to dream big—again, the key is to release the attachment, knowing that we have everything we need, and having gratitude for that.

If you practice this, your wants will line up with your needs, and you’ll begin to truly manifest your dreams into reality. This is a path to achieving freedom and fulfillment. 

Much Love,
Noel Neu, The Songwriting Therapist™