What is TRUST?

Let’s take a few minutes to talk about trust. So first of all, how do we gain trust from others and, (more importantly) how are we able to trust others? Let’s start by referencing my trust formula (see The Foundation of Trust): 

Trust = (Honesty with Self + Honesty with Another) x2

This means that each person needs to first, be honest with themselves, and then honest with each other in order to create and have a connection of trust. The trust flows in, from one to another, making each other trustworthy, and giving each other the confidence to trust. 

As another quick review, the next level of trust is intimacy, which I define as vulnerability shared. This occurs when individuals, in addition to having a foundation of trust, are honest and open about their feelings with themselves and each other.

The TRUST Acronym

For now, we’ll stick with trust itself. We can have trust in ourselves, in others, in a power greater than ourselves, and even in establishments, systems, and processes. So, what is the nature of trust? It came to me in the form of an acronym one day, as things often do. Trust is:

True
Reliable
Unifying
Sacred
Testament

Let’s break that down. Trust is true, which means that the connection with one another and with self, is authentic. There is honesty in that connection. Trust is reliable, which means it’s dependable and stable. It’s not waxing and waning, and it’s not wishy-washy—it’s there, and we can count on it. Trust is unifying—it’s connecting and inclusive between the individuals involved. Trust is sacred, meaning that it is pure and that the connection is more potent and powerful having trust in it than it would be without it. Trust is a testament, meaning that it is an agreement and it is proof and confirmation of the honor and respect had for one another. 

Questions to Ask Yourself

If you want to make sure that others are in that energy of trust, you need to first let it begin with yourself. You can ask yourself the following questions: 

• Am I being true to myself? (That is, am I being honest and authentic?)

• Am I being reliable, stable, and dependable? 

• Am I unifying and being inclusive and connecting? 

• Am I keeping my energy sacred and pure?

• Is there a testament to the honor and respect I have for myself? 

When I am engaging in trust with myself and then putting that energy outward, it attracts trusting energy back in. As with most things in life, when we want others to act or treat us in a certain way, we need to begin with ourselves. When we can be trustworthy to ourselves and actively trust ourselves, then we can be trustworthy to others and actively trust them. 

What If Someone Breaks Trust?

Sometimes there is an imbalance of trust. If you are trustworthy and trusting and another person isn’t, can’t, or won’t share that trust, that is where the healthy boundary comes in. You don’t need to engage in their untrustworthy behavior—you can set a safe and healthy boundary. Rather than judge or criticize what they’re doing, you set the boundary and maintain your own true, reliable, sacred testament with yourself so that you can move forward and share that energy with other people.

However, just because someone is untrustworthy or isn’t trusting you in a moment doesn’t mean that they will always be like that. A person may be trustworthy in one moment, and then in another moment (based on our own life experiences, traumas, habits, etc.) fall off course and not display that same trust. This is part of being human, and it’s important to be able to discern when others are worthy of trust and when they are not, which may depend on multiple factors. 

When someone breaks trust, we can set boundaries, create space, and make sure that our own trust in ourselves is still intact. By trusting ourselves and putting that energy back out into the world, we can heal the wound and begin to trust others once more. As we begin to tune in and notice more about others, we can shift our boundaries as necessary in response to their behaviors.

When we have a sense of trust with others in our lives, this world is a much more peaceful, engaging, and connecting place. I invite you this week to tune into your own sense of self-trust and the trust you share in your relationships. Are there any areas in your life in which you can bring a more true, reliable, unifying, sacred testament? Let it begin with you first, as you share more of those trust elements with yourself, and then you can transmit the energy outward as you share more trust with others.

Much Love,
Noel Neu, The Songwriting Therapist™