You Get to Choose

So, last week’s blog and talk covered the topic of not taking anything personally, and they were all about how important it is to dig deeper when we are feeling “offended” by things others say or do. Oftentimes, we need to find what underlies the feeling of “offense” and ask ourselves where the truth lies in it. If there is no truth to it, we can simply release the attachment and move on. However, if there is truth to it, it’s important to look at what we can change and accept what we cannot. This concept is critical, and I believe in it wholeheartedly.

And yet, when I saw a certain comment on one of my posts for that blog on Instagram, I took it personally right off the bat. (Oh, the irony!) Here I was, teaching to not take things personally, and I was getting worked up over an Instagram comment! I experienced an emotional spike and felt the need to defend myself because I was taking offense to that comment in that particular moment. The words weren’t even that harsh or aggressive—it was just one of those things that sort of rubbed me the wrong way. 

It’s How We Respond

Then it hit me: in life, it’s not about what happens to us, it’s how we respond to what’s happening to us. We get to choose how we respond to things. If we didn’t, life would just be a matter of chance or happenstance, and we’d be at the mercy of outside influences. Instead, we have free will and can make decisions on how we react. Moment to moment, we have the freedom to choose our responses, and the moment is all we really have. These choices determine our sense of well-being, freedom, and being “ok” with life. Alternatively, these same choices can determine our sense of distress, discontent, and actual hate in our lives. 

That is not to say that making this simple choice is easy. As I shared in my example, I was triggered with an immediate reaction by a mere Instagram comment. The more important thing to me was that I was able to come out of that reaction much more quickly than I would have in the past. What I could have potentially dwelt on for days, weeks, or months previously, I was able to release in a matter of minutes. This is a result of years of personal development work and “putting in the reps” on releasing attachments and looking deeper to find out what the truth is behind my reactivity.

We’re All Human

No matter how much work we do on ourselves or how mindful or spiritual we become, chances are we’re always going to experience some level of reactivity to certain stimuli in the moment. Maybe you take offense to something, take it personally, and ultimately become upset about it. That’s just human nature. The important thing is not that you never experience emotional spikes—it’s that you are able to come back down from them quickly and effectively when they happen. 

The fact that we have the choice of how we respond to something doesn’t mean that we don’t necessarily still feel an emotional reaction. The reality is that we can and often will still feel emotional reactions to things—it’s the ability to release the attachment to the emotion and mindfully choose the responses that really gives us our personal power in situations.

Choose Happiness

So, let’s walk through the process you can use to choose your happiness in any given situation. First, tune into yourself and look at how you responded internally. If you felt an emotional spike and took it personally for a moment, that’s ok. Now is your opportunity to feel that, release it, and make a mindful choice. Going back to last week’s blog, now is the time to look at the truth beneath the stimulus. You can move into acceptance for those things that you cannot change, and you can work toward making a shift in the things that you wish to change. 

Ultimately, I want you to remember that you have the power to change your own narrative in your life. This is true in both the big picture and in the stories we tell ourselves from moment to moment. Happenings in our lives don’t inherently mean certain things about ourselves—they mean what we decide them to mean. It’s up to us to ask ourselves if the meanings we’ve created are real and accurate, and if they truly serve us. You can live happily or miserably ever after. You get to choose.

Much Love,
Noel Neu