What is Intimacy?

Vulnerability Shared

What do you think of when you hear the word “intimacy”? More than likely, your mind may jump to the concept of sexual intimacy, as this is the primary focus in popular culture with respect to that word. Well, as we’ve talked about in The Foundation of Trust, intimacy is simply vulnerability shared. This can apply to any realm of human relationships, not only romantic ones. When I am being vulnerable, especially about how I feel, and sharing that with you, and you are doing the same with me, we have intimacy. 

Now, just because you can be intimate with people in any type of relationship doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea to be intimate with everyone. It’s important that there is a sense of trust and emotional safety in order to have a healthy intimate connection. If these do not exist within the relationship, there is a slippery slope that can devolve into codependency.

Reaching Out

Usually, when someone connects with me for the first time, be it through email, Instagram, or a simple text, I thank them by typing, “thank you for reaching out.” The idea of reaching out is universal, and it came to me that the word “reach” can be used as a tool for creating healthy vulnerability. So how do we REACH out? 

Respect
Empower
Allow
Care
Honor

When I’m being vulnerable with myself and sharing it with you, I am respecting and empowering both myself and you. I am allowing us to each be where we are at emotionally. I am caring about and honoring myself and you. When we apply each letter of the REACH acronym, we have strong, healthy intimacy.

Honor and Respect

The bookends of respect and honor are really important. You must respect and honor yourself first, in order to respect and honor another person. Otherwise, it’s a manipulation, and it lacks authenticity.

Whatever type of relationship you are in with another person, no matter what subject you are discussing or activity you are engaging in, if you’re being vulnerable with each other, you have intimacy. This is a sense of oneness, belonging, and connection. Intimacy is not only for connection with a single person. It is critical, of course, for a relationship with a significant other, and yet it can be found in all types of relationships throughout your life.

Reach In to Reach Out

A simple takeaway to remember here is “reach in to reach out.” First, you must go within and make sure that you are showing yourself respect, empowerment, allowance, care, and honor, and then you can reach out to the other person and give them those same things. When we are applying the REACH letters to both ourselves and another, we are creating a sense of intimacy that is part of the foundation of a strong and healthy relationship. So remember to “reach in to reach out” with another person in your life to begin creating healthy intimacy with yourself and others. 

Much Love,
Noel Neu, The Songwriting Therapist™