Undoing the “Uns”
THE CHALLENGES
Life brings us many challenging situations. Big and small, we encounter them over and over again, each one with its own unique context and characteristics. What challenges all have in common, however, are the three “uns” that tend to accompany them: uncomfortable, uncertain, and unknown. Let’s go through how to “undo” each of these three “uns”.
THE UNCOMFORTABLE
When situations in life challenge us, we often feel uncomfortable. The good news is that this feeling acts as a signal that a change needs to happen. That said, If we fall into the trap of focusing on this troublesome feeling, we can become overwhelmed and stuck in our negative thoughts.
The key to undoing this uncomfortable feeling is to focus on what brings you comfort. This could be something as simple as how satiated you feel from the lunch you just ate, your Loving pet or favorite plant, or a person or group of people, like your family.
Anything that brings you a healthy sense of comfort (no addictions or vices, as those are used to escape and not comfort) is fair game. The idea here is that you ground yourself in feelings of comfort to override the uncomfortable thoughts and sensations.
THE UNCERTAIN
Another “un” we face with new challenges is the feeling of being uncertain in our decision making. Simply put, we don’t know what we should do. This can be a particularly paralyzing “un”, as indecision is self-reinforcing and can spiral into a pattern of anxious thoughts and inactivity.
To undo feeling uncertain of what we think we need to do, the key is to focus on what we are certain of. This could be your current skill-set, it could be your talents, or it could be the simple fact that you have a proven track record of overcoming challenges.
Whatever positive attributes of yourself or successful past decisions you’ve made that seem relevant to the situation at hand—focus on those. What we’re trying to do here is to bolster your sense of self-confidence so that you can walk through the decision-making process with relative ease and peace of mind.
THE UNKNOWN
Similar to “uncertain”, the third “un” that comes up with challenges is the feeling of fear associated with the “unknown”. The distinction here is that, while the feeling of being “uncertain” applies to decision-making in the present, the “unknown” focuses on potential negative outcomes—we don’t know what will happen, and thus we fear the future.
To undo fear of the unknown, we must focus on what is known to be true. We can’t predict the future, so we need to shift our thoughts to the positive circumstances that are happening right now. This could be the fact that you are safe, that you are loved, or the simple truth that you are alive and breathing.
Think of any present circumstances that signal to your brain that you are safe and “ok” in this moment. We may not be able to know what will happen, but if we walk into the future with a positive energy, we have a better chance of encountering positive outcomes.
THE SOLUTIONS
Undo these three “uns” and you can walk through any challenge in life. Please know that this is indeed a very simple framework, but it is not easy. The three “uns” are difficult to face and require both patience and a gentle firmness with oneself. Give yourself grace through the process, but make sure to keep moving forward with it.
The truth is that the tools to solve your current challenges are already within you. Undo the “uns” and you will open yourself to the solutions.
Much Love,
Noel Neu