The Serenity of Surrender

There comes a time in our lives when we face obstacles, and we have a choice to make whether we are able to continue on the path we are currently on and push through the obstacle, or we need to stop. If we choose the latter, to stop, we then have a second choice of how we stop—to quit or surrender. It’s very important to delineate between the two and understand the type of energy and outcomes associated with each. 

Quitting Doesn’t Work

Quitting has a negative energy that creates a resistance. After trying and failing (sometimes repeatedly) we may decide to simply give up, or quit. When we quit, we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to complete or succeed in whatever it is we are trying to accomplish. This is why there are so many common phrases like “don’t quit, keep going, never stop, etc.” We inherently want ourselves and others to achieve our goals, and quitting goes against that desire.

Because it is so counter to the progress we desire, quitting brings with it a great deal of inner resistance in how we feel about ourselves. We feel shame, guilt, resentment, regret, and other negative emotions. These are from the ego, and we continue to hold on to this negative energy even after we quit things, which is why quitting doesn’t work.

Surrendering Moves Us Forward

Surrendering, on the other hand, has a positive energy that creates an opening. When we surrender, we give up our control of the process of whatever it is we are experiencing. Instead of engaging in resistance and getting stuck in negative emotions, we allow ourselves to end what it is we are doing without shame and regret. We let it all go, and move through the process of grieving the loss. This shifts our perspective, and shows compassion and understanding for who we are in that moment.

When we surrender, we often move forward in life, either with something new or in a different approach from the same thing we just ended and learned from. Because we have released ourselves from the outcome of the initial attempt, and cleared our emotional slate to begin anew by regrouping with what we have learned, we are able to approach the next venture or second attempt with more openness, creativity, and clarity. 

One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

Even when we “get up and try again” after quitting, we still haven’t gained the necessary growth and insight to move beyond the obstacle holding us back. Quitting is taking a step backward and staying stuck. Surrendering allows us to take a step back in order to take two steps forward.

Let’s take a personal example of how surrendering can lead to progress and personal growth. When I was 13 years old, I started playing guitar, and it was not fun. I didn’t enjoy learning the tedious single note “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” playing scales, or having my fingers hurt every single day (I didn’t have the callouses that I do now). What I really wanted was to play rock and roll. It was 1983, I was a teenager, and Mötley Crüe and AC/DC were much more appealing to me than nursery rhymes.

When it all got to be too much, I made a choice to change direction. I didn’t fully understand what I was doing at the time, but looking back, I find that I actually surrendered playing the single notes and scales, so that I could move forward with my own path of learning guitar. I began learning chords and focused on mastering the different chord shapes and transitions so that I could play real songs that I enjoyed. I was able to surrender what wasn’t working and move on to master what did work for me. Had I quit, I wouldn’t be here as The Songwriting Therapist™ today. 

On a side note, my hands hurt a great deal during this learning period and, had the pain become indicative of a serious issue, I would have had to surrender the guitar entirely for a new path. The key to surrendering is that we recognize what isn’t working, we release ourselves of blame, judgment, resentment, and worry, and we move on to what will work better for us.

Give Yourself Grace

It is important to understand that when we surrender something, it is not in defeat. We grieve the loss, and we move forward with a greater perspective. We need not regret our surrender, and we can have remorse for whatever behaviors that we need to adjust going forward for greater success. (See my blog post on regret vs. remorse for more on this.) Whereas quitting is from the ego, surrendering is from the soul.

So next time you are faced with an obstacle that you cannot surpass, remember to give yourself grace in the experience and to let go of your resistance through the process of surrender. You will feel free to pursue the next thing or that same thing again with more wisdom and a clearer headspace. Don’t be a quitter, surrender, let go, and allow your life to unfold even better than before.

Much Love,

Noel Neu, The Songwriting Therapist™