The 3 A’s of Acceptance

The Cornerstone of FACE’ing Your Fears

For those of you who are familiar with my “FACE Your Fears” work, you’ll know that the “A” in FACE stands for Acceptance. This powerful act of Love is used to counteract the fear-based emotion of worry, and it is also involved in the other acts of Love (Forgiveness, Compassion, and Empathy). True acceptance, and coming to terms with what is happening in your life and world is essential for getting out of the energy of fear and into the energy of Love.

(If you’re interested in learning more about this framework, my FACE Your Fears digital course is coming soon. Join the mailing list here for exclusive discounts, presales, and more!)

In this blog, we will go through the three steps to truly and fully accepting the conditions and situations that you cannot change in life. This is key to building resilience, cultivating happiness, and acting in Love.

STEP 1: Acknowledgment

The first step to acceptance is the simple, yet powerful acknowledgment of what it is that is triggering difficult emotions. After all, we must first admit to ourselves what we are resisting in order to change our relationship to it.

Running late for work? Acknowledge that fact—don’t try to force yourself into thinking that you can cram the last 20 minutes of your commute into 10. There may be consequences, but you cannot change the current circumstance. Acknowledge the lateness as an objective fact.

From here, we can go further down the path to acceptance and distance ourselves from the fear and resistance we are experiencing.

STEP 2: Allowance

Next up is the concept of allowance. This isn’t your $5/week you used to earn as a child doing chores—this is allowing what is happening to happen, as well as allowing yourself to experience the feelings that come up with it. It is opening yourself and letting go of the resistance you’re holding on to.

Taking, again, the example of running late for work, you must allow yourself to be late. There is no changing this, and fighting it is simply causing you more stress and anxiety. As the famous influential psychiatrist Carl Jung said, “What we resist, persists.” You’re late–it’s not the end of the world, and you will get through whatever consequences may occur.

Now for the emotions: perhaps you’re feeling angry at yourself for hitting the snooze button, you’re resenting your boss for being so strict with the time cards, and you’re afraid that you might be fired. Allow these feelings to flow through you. Feel them, express them, and then release them. They no longer serve you.

STEP 3: Appreciation

The final step of acceptance is perhaps the most difficult part: appreciation. After we have acknowledged the situation and allowed for it and its accompanying emotions, it is time to find aspects about the situation that you can appreciate. This step is challenging even for everyday life situations and especially so for deep trauma. Even still, there are many examples of courageous individuals finding appreciation for suffering even in the most traumatic of life circumstances. 

For instance, the person who has had a near-death experience and is so appreciative that they have had a spiritual awakening as a result. Or the person whose Loved one died unexpectedly and donated their heart to a young child, and who meets that child with appreciation that their Loved one lives on in blessing another life.

(Now, back to our example) You are running late for work, have acknowledged that fact by admitting it to yourself, and you have allowed yourself to both run late and to feel the emotions of anger, resentment, and fear (which are all related, but we’ll talk about that another time). Let’s find the positive in this situation. 

Perhaps this particular instance of running late has given you an opportunity to finally address your chronic lateness. Maybe throughout this process of acknowledgment and allowance, you have been able to connect with yourself in feeling self-compassion. Even though this step is difficult, the old “silver lining” metaphor holds true. There is positivity to be found in every challenge you face—you just need to take the time and have the patience (and courage) to uncover it.

Putting it into Practice

I make use of a lot of acronyms, alliterations, and other mnemonic devices in my work for a reason—you have to remember the concepts to use them in your life! 

So, remember the 3 A’s of Acceptance: acknowledgment, allowance, and appreciation.

Revisit this blog anytime you have difficulty with acceptance, and soon the process will become second nature to you.

Much Love,

Noel Neu