Do You Feel Lonely?

A realization came to me recently that I’d like to share with you:  loneliness is a state of mind; being alone is a state of being. As with a lot of distinctions I go over in these blogs, the two root words, lonely and alone, are very similar. In my experience, however, their energies are quite different. Let’s jump into how they differ and how we can shift feelings of loneliness to empower ourselves.

Loneliness

Loneliness is a common feeling of disconnection that we can feel as humans. It’s a feeling that no one really sees or hears us. Just like the inner child within each of us needs to be seen, heard, Loved, and trusted (see my blog Connecting With Your (Highest) Self), so do we as adults. When we feel disconnected from ourselves, from others, and from a power greater than ourselves, we feel “lonely.”

The interesting thing about loneliness is that we are not always alone when we feel it. In fact, personally, my most lonely times have generally been when I’m with other people. It can feel particularly lonely to be with someone who is not meeting your needs or reciprocating the Love that you give to them. 

I’ve felt lonely in stadiums with thousands of people at events, I’ve felt lonely in small groups, and I’ve felt lonely by myself. The key here is that I was disconnected from the energy of Love in all of these situations and that I was not present in the moment.

Feelings of loneliness can also be triggered when we are reminded of past traumas in which people were not around to show us Love or care. Childhood trauma, in particular, has a way of manifesting itself in feelings of loneliness. This can happen when we sense a situation that feels similar to how we felt as children, such as being ignored or not fully seen, heard, Loved, and trusted by our parents and caregivers.

Being Alone

The state of being alone is simply when you are by yourself, and more importantly, when you are with yourself. When you are able to be present with yourself, you’re never really “alone”. We can certainly feel lonely when we are by ourselves, and we can shift that feeling as soon as we become present with ourselves in that moment.

This goes back to my blog, Be the Person You Want to Be With. Once you’re actively being the person that you want to be with, you’re already with them. You’re already giving and receiving Love. As you do this, you also naturally attract people with those qualities, because like energy attracts like energy.

Being alone opens up and reveals various aspects of ourselves that are often shrouded in the noise of daily life. It reveals the darker sides of anxiety, doubt, and worry. It also reveals the lighter sides of our strengths, gifts, kindness, and compassion. We are able to clearly see these aspects of ourselves and embrace them all as part of our whole being.

Making the Shift

When you’re feeling lonely, remember that you can make the choice to be present with yourself, one moment at a time. This is the antidote to loneliness. In these moments, there is a stillness in which we can open up to connect with ourselves, a power greater than ourselves, and others (even if only in spirit).

When we are in the act of being alone and we are in this connection, through meditation, contemplation, or simple stillness, loneliness has no place in our reality. It cannot fit in that moment, because we are in the energy of Love. Keep this thought with you as you go through the challenges of loneliness, and empower yourself through quiet connection.

Much Love,
Noel Neu, The Songwriting Therapist™