My Definition of Success

Success can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. It can be difficult to establish any kind of singular definition of success that works for everyone. Even so, I’d like to take a stab at it. Throughout my experience in life and in working with clients, I have seen two common factors of success for virtually everyone I’ve met. These two things are freedom and fulfillment.

Freedom

Freedom has a lot of imagery and emotion associated with it. It can mean different things to different people, and yet it feels similar to those who have it. Freedom is essentially not having to hold yourself back, not being constrained, and being able to “just be,” explore, and grow how you need to or want to. An interesting thing about freedom is that it isn’t just a literal free-for-all. Freedom is much more than simply doing whatever you want—in fact, doing that can actually keep you stuck in your own actions, addictions, manipulations, relationships, and so forth. The truth is, we actually do best with a balance between self-discipline and that kind of carefree behavior. 

Without a sense of self-discipline, our freedoms are taken away from us, either literally or in a more internal sense. Freedom is most literally taken away from us in cases of punishment for criminal behavior—we are stripped of our rights and forced to live in very modest (and often dangerous) conditions as we serve our sentences. Freedom can also be taken away in more of an internal sense from consequential reactions that occur as we get caught up in our behavioral patterns and our lives are held back by possibility and choice, with little emphasis on purpose and meaning.

True freedom occurs when we set and maintain healthy boundaries with ourselves and others, giving us a sense of balance between our own self-discipline and our ability to live (relatively) as we wish. Having boundaries in place reduces worry, anxiety, dread, and other emotions. We gain a healthy sense of knowing what to expect and where “the lines” are, so we can move forward confidently and unburdened. We experience freedom in overall life circumstances, and also from moment to moment. We feel free in a moment when we are present and engaged in the energy of Love. The more moments of freedom we have, the more open and freer we feel in general.

Fulfillment

Fulfillment can change over time for individuals. As we grow and develop, we may find the things that fulfill us and bring us meaning are different from the things that used to. It’s all about what creates a sense of purpose and alignment in our lives. When we do things that resonate with us, we naturally achieve a sense of fulfillment. 

As we experience fulfillment, we feel as though there is nothing else we would rather be doing in that particular moment. And on a grander scale, there is no other life we would choose for ourselves. This is because when we feel fulfilled, we feel gratitude, and we embody a deep sense of meaning and purpose. The more moments of fulfillment we have, the greater the overall sense of it we have. The more fulfilled we become, the more likely we are to engage in positive activities that help feed this sense of fulfillment. It truly is a virtuous cycle. 

Putting Them Both Together

Whereas we can feel successful with either freedom or fulfillment, we feel the most successful when we have both. That is, when we feel autonomous and free to work on and do the things that mean the most to us and give us the greatest sense of purpose. We feel the most successful not based on monetary gain or perceived status within society; instead, we feel successful when we are in alignment and experiencing these two magical “f” words. 

Take a moment to think about how you can experience more freedom and fulfillment in your life. What things are constraining you too tightly and holding you back? Are there boundaries you can set with yourself and others to alleviate these constraints? Are you spending too much of your time engaged in activities that don’t feel meaningful to you? How could you allocate more time to the activities that give you purpose and joy? 

Be honest with yourself when you are answering these questions, and you will receive the keys to success. From there, all you need to do is to trust your own intuitive advice and commit to pursuing freedom and fulfillment in your life. 

Much Love,

Noel Neu, The Songwriting Therapist™